The exchange of value + it’s abuse

Nothing in this world is for free.

The exchange of value is very basic, it’s like a trade. You provide someone with a product (help with a task, advice, a recommendation or service) and they return your favour. If they don’t:

your relation is one sided and without value. It’s important to keep the balance of gratitude and being patient but also freeing yourself from what drowns you. 

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Respect has become something that needs to be earned. And even though I agree with this point, I think it’s sad many don’t give second chances. If there is one thing I’ve learned from life, it’s to never put all my expectations of a person into their first impression. 

You only know someone from what they show you. The rest of them stays hidden. ´´Change is unpredictable & accessible to everyone. ´´

This a short excerpt of something I posted on LinkedIN recently. Relationships should never end up being one sided - a well known fact. However there is more to this topic…

When I say relationships should never end up being one sided, what I mean is there needs to be balance.

This doesn’t mean balance as in service & service need to be equally portioned. It’s hard to determine the value of a gesture or support. What I mean by it is that the statement makes it pretty clear there needs to be something in it for everyone. It seems fair, a trade, you give me something and I return something else you don’t have yet in return.

The only thing that’s bothering me is that this isn’t all relationships are about, it’s not just the exchange of a service. That might be it for the start of one, but the more you end up bonding with someone, the more you see qualities that cannot be seen immediately.

Making a sacrifice

Leading us further on to “making a sacrifice”. At the start of a relationship there isn‘t much you have to work with. You might know a few things about the person opposite you but that’s it. As we know now from earlier on, you should never judge from who someone appears to be,

Never judge a book by it’s cover - unknown

Not necessarily because true beauty lies within, but because you just can’t tell someone from their appearance. It’s a good measure for a first impression, but even those can be deceiving.

Which is why you should not look who to connect with by who seems to be fitting, but instead take the risk to start getting to know them and make a sacrifice for the possible relationship.

What does this have to do with the exchange of value?

If you feel like someone is going to be reliable, useful or just nice to hang with, you expect them to behave like that around you too. Leading them to unintentionally provide a certain “service” to you. Through learning not to judge by the values that are visible, but instead making a sacrifice for the relationship, you automatically set your needs behind to empower your connection. This however doesn’t mean there isn’t something in it for you too. With this approach you already set the groundwork for a meaningful mutual relation, both can benefit from.